Ah Twitter. How I do love thee. Pointless observations, narky ranting, surreal mini-fictions, attacks on Russell Howard, Jeph Loeb and James Cameron, and links, glorious links. I've posted 2065 tweets now... here's the best / most pointless of the last 1000.Interestingly, my Twitter habit is spiralling... it took me just 4 months to do the last 1000, as opposed to two years for the first 1000. It is clearly the crack of social networking.For more of the same, follow @weaponizer on Twitter.Have come to the conclusion that I'm too ambitious with prospective novel themes and plots. Having a look at the Tor list and I'm certain...
... that all my ideas are too complex. Am going to write a generic horror with teenage characters and a happy ending. Fuck it. I want money.
Been watching Dog the Bounty Hunter & Operation Repo guys pepper-spraying hapless unemployed & drug dealers all afternoon,
#shoulddosomeworkEVERYBODY'S GETTING KITTYS!
Sitting by the ozone towers, watching steam rise from cooling vents. I imagine it cumulating, wisps of moisture escaping into black sky.
"Irrationality cannot be fought with empirical evidence." - John Stewart
Mediocrity (n, pl) 1. the state of being mediocre.2. mediocre ability or accomplishment. 3. a mediocre person. 4. Russell fucking Howard
You Can Win Today's Twitter! Join the campaign to demand the public execution of Russell Howard. Send your hatemail to
@weaponizer now
New Doctor's assistant is... delightful.
#drwhoAstounded we managed to finish an entire bottle of 12y.o. Glenfiddich in one sitting... Feeling every single finger today.
Today's Twitter is sponsored by the David Cameron Should Fuck Off Back to Eaton campaign
Has anyone else got a major man-crush on the physicist Brian Cox? Or is that just me?
http://tinyurl.com/yhhvoyx Major man-hotness going on.
Stop Jeph Loeb from making comics. Don't allow him to ruin the Ultimate line a second time! Ban the abysmal Heroes!
#FUCKJEPHLOEB Please RT
just rocked the fuck out of BBC Glasgow.
I think Scotland is trying to kill me.
Home listening to Bar 9 at extreme volume. Going out to have fun in the meatworld tonight. Almost forgot what a bar looked like! WOMPWOMPWO
"A man can't have everything. I mean, where would he put it?" - Spike Milligan
This week: experimentally posting negative, toxic, demotivational memes on Facebook as status updates. Why? Because I'm a bastard.
My tuppence on the Oscars: Inglorious Basterds should have won Best Pic & Script. Star Trek should have taken the effects award. Fuck Avatar
@catvincent Bunnies RULE!
I'll only say this once. I got beat by a guy with a fucking SOCK PUPPET. Fucksfuckingsake
#grrr #poetry
@WillCouper BOOM! SMASH! POW! BIFF!
With Formspring, you too can be one of millions of digitised WarholTM synthetic lifeforms.
http://www.formspring.me/texture
Straight eating junkfood and wearing hats. Ah yeah.
Going out in the sunshine for a bit. Biosystem overclocked. May fall asleep on couch later. Not a day for brainthings.
Seriously, Kevin Smith is director of Cop Out? For real? Seriously? No shit? Honest? No fucking way. NO WAY! I DON'T CAN'T WON'T BELIEVE IT!
"As the spirit dies, the form appears." - Charles Bukowski
Most amusing / uninformed heckle EVER. I do a verse about Scottish hip-hop, namechecking the likes of Penpushers, Underling and Verse One...
This guy pipes up: "You stole that verse!" I respond: "From who?" The reply: "You know fuck all about hip-hop! You're ripping off Mudhoney!"
Oh kayyyyy.... I thought he meant Mud Family. He didn't - he'd never heard of them. He was pretty embarrassed later.
If there IS a Newcastle hiphop band who namecheck Scottish hip-hop artists, I REALLY need to know who the fuck they are!!!
Talkative today, like some kind of pure big mad bird.
This week, Texture is going to have THE BIG IDEA. He will also start talking about himself in the third person like some kind of man-mental
What can i say? Y'all missed out. Whatevs
LONG LIVE THE GODDAMN BATMAN
Ex-cop JoeZ battles thieves in theLabyrynthVault! A game of D&D will make him choose: save kidnapped billionaire or foil superpowered mooks?
The NeutralZone: a doomed vicar & old con enrage a bear, causing a bus crash by battling a mini-army. Will they survive a BavarianFireDrill?
It's just occurred to me that JK Rowling's first two names COULD be Jeremy Kyle.
Were we, or were we not up the Finneston crane?
http://weaponizer.blogspot.com/2010/02/dee-dees-dream.html #limmyI can't keep it secret any more, I'm coming out... I WAS BORN IN MILTON KEYNES! There, I said it. I'm not proud of it, but it's the truth.
... which is probably why I secretly like Bonnie Tyler, Journey and Foreigner.
@Fauxhammer Work is VERY stupid, agreed. I like evenings. Evenings rule.
The Lovely Bones looks pish. Peter Jackson, MAKE A FUCKING HORROR FILM! NOW! NOW! NOW!
Every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the fuckin' look in your eyes...
Jeremy Kyle, the 'wonga' guy fom the phones-for-cash ad, Peaches Geldof, Shirley from Eastenders, and as always the Bingo Fox
#mustdieSometimes I wish I knew one hell of a lot more about marketing and making money. Most of the time though, I'm glad that I know jeff all.
Cephalothorax wounds crippled the soldier: limbs rigor-stiff, folded in. A field surgeon spins silk field dressing, too late
Woke up: vision expanded, reticulated. Unfurled 8 brittle limbs. All flesh now black, chitinous carapace. Feel... predatory
8 legs skitter on pale flesh. At her temple it plunges the dataspike home, viral payload quickening, then stilling her pulse
I think that's enough spider-based
#twitfic for one day.
"Give me the pringles of knowledge! Make it more-ish!" - Morphamish
RIP Benny Harvey. He will be missed. A living legend. But now he is gone.
'Mon the anthraxx!
For the record, I am trying to quit using the word 'awesome' but I'm a fuckin' junkie for it.
Bingo fucking sucks
I wanna hugga you face!
#coralineYOU MAY TAKE OUR LIVES... BUT YOU WILL NEVER TAKE... OUR BUCKFAST!!
There's nothing quite like a baby wearing a raygun tee-shirt. It's just majorly awesome.
http://twitpic.com/xemnoGoddamn fuckball is on, celtic v rangers, all pubs with wifi full of sports nerds
Weaponizer. Plumbing the depths of ignorance so you dont have to. Thank us.
In the future, we have tinfoil erections.
Hanging on by my fingernails
At the end of the day... Its fuckin' night
Dont be so fucking naive.
This little illusion caster has me spellbound
#penpushers